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Being a couple, being a dad and being a man. A difficult battle

Being a couple, being a dad and being a man. A difficult battle


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"Mommy is mine!" My first surprise came when my wife and I went to buy a T-shirt for me at a shopping center and Elena, then two and a half years old, had a tantrum and refused to enter the store. I insisted that my wife ignore her and that we go in anyway. I wanted to know your opinion about the color, if it fit me ... but it was a request that fell on deaf ears, because Elena kept getting more and more angry. I insisted that the girl had to learn not to get away with it every time she cried, but the phrase from Carolina, my wife, was blunt: How selfish you are!

It is just an example showing how create a perfect cocktail in which being a couple, being a dad and being a man blend together while still being the priority of your daughters and your wife, is an achievement ... unattainable?

Since Elena was born we had to learn to live as a couple with a new little person that demanded our full attention. We had to establish new habits, new routines, all based on that wonderful being who had come to brighten our lives.

As Elena grew, we became a perfect trio in which each one was assuming their new role. Carolina was metamorphosing into an attentive and loving mother; Elena, at our point of attention for her little girl occurrences; and me, in the bad cop of the movie who almost always said NO to anything that could break from my point of view family harmony. I confess: too many Supernany shows have taken their toll on me.

So well did everything seem to fit in that we decided to find the square of happiness. After nine months Ana was born, who not only brought Elena a little sister but also more demand for maternal care. I know: all babies are the same, all babies want to be with their mother all the time, all babies pass from their parents ... But what he didn't know was that being a father meant resignation. Resign yourself to being the last of the priorities for your partner. I also confess: our salaries are normal, we live in a peripheral neighborhood of Madrid, in a normal house. And what does so much normality imply? Among other things, not being able to go out to dinner on a Saturday night when you feel like it. Yes, there are the grandparents. But in our case, our leisure is not on your priority list when it comes to taking care of your grandchildren.

The second time I have been aware of the situation has been recently, with Ana two and a half years old and Elena already six years old. At a time when the little girl was distracted with her toys, the older one approached her mother stealthily in search of some caress. But as soon as Ana realized that her mother's love could be divided, the war between sisters began to determine the territory. Mommy is mine! They shouted almost in unison. And that's when then I wondered looking a little stunned at the scene. If mom is one of them, then who do I have?

Who said that being a father was one of the most beautiful things in life? If you assume that you are going to become the third person that your wife will be able to pay attention to until the moment the girls go to bed, and that by the time that moment arrives you will be so tired, just like her, that the maximum comfort you want to do is wrap yourself in it to sleep ... If you assume that today's parents are asked for things from our generation, such as not yelling at children when they do something wrong because it could create a complex of some kind, knowing how to break the monotony and boredom with new games to entertain them and memorize all the pediatric and emotional intelligence manuals to converge in the chaos ...

If you assume all that, yes, being a father is something fantastic, but the men of our generation have not been taught any of that and we live between two worlds, that of our parents, who did not understand much about emotions, and that of our own. children, who demand that we be a walking emotionalist to understand them continuously. And to assume above all that our relationship as a couple will no longer be the same as when we were dating, at a stage in the history of the evolution of masculinity in which we go from being an alpha male to a converted metrosexual in less than the cry of a child lasts.

I feel like a dying father with no scientist ever taking an interest in our species.

Author: Ángel Alonso Ruiz

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