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By definition, obey is the attitude of obeying orders, norms, rules or behaviors, a very important value for good relationships and human coexistence. In a strict sense, obedience refers to fulfilling and accepting the will of an authority.
Normally we mean by obedience, good behavior. That the children do what we ask them, that they follow the rules, that they be quiet, that they do not disturb or that they know how to behave. And for this to happen, it is important that they know that we expect from them at certain times, since it is not the same to be at home, than to go to a restaurant or to visit friends or to be in the park, each situation will have its guidelines . So we adults must teach them what are the rules that govern each situation. These are the first steps that we have to follow so that children obey.
Children do not learn from one day to the next, so it is important to give them time, but above all, parents must understand children, how they are and what we can expect from them at each moment and stage of development. These are the considerations that we must take into account so that children obey:
- It is necessary for the child to know the norm, (after playing the toys are collected, or when mom or dad say that you have to pick up or get dressed or go to bed, you have to do it), therefore you have to teach it to them and also what will happen if we do not comply, (that It has to be consistent with the behavior), for example, if I don't pick up the toys, I won't be able to play with them tomorrow. We should not understand it as a punishment, but as a consequence of the unfulfilled rule.
- Give the children time to fulfill what we ask of themFor example, I tell my son, "collect the toys", he is not going to stop his activity immediately and he will start to pick up. This rarely happens, right? This does not mean that the child disobeys us, but that I have not given him time to process and react, children (and adults too) need time.
- Know what to expect of children at different ages. A two-year-old child is not the same as a 6-year-old or a 10-year-old. At each age, the rules and consequences are applied differently, adapting to the capabilities of each child.
- Another important thing is that the little ones have to be anticipated, that is, to tell them ahead of time what is going to happen, "When mom or dad finish doing this, or when the chapter is over, the television will have to be turned off" so that the child knows what comes next
- Explain to the children what we expect of them. Children do not come as standard knowing what we want and expect from them, so we have to tell them, not once, but several times, until they learn it. Especially when we face new situations. For example, if we are going to buy shoes for the first time, surely he enters and touches everything, it is normal, for him it is a novelty and he wants to explore. We would have to anticipate where we are going and explain what we expect of them in that situation (that they do not touch anything and that they stay by my side).
- Understand that children are not miniature adults, so we cannot ask them to do the same as us. Children cannot spend a long time doing the same thing, (or doing nothing), or stay still in the same place, so we have to understand that, for example, if we are going to visit a store or a friend's house, we will have to prepare different activities or games so that they are entertained, and understand that if they get bored or upset, it is not that they are disobedient, it is that they need attention and activity.
- It is important to evaluate situations with a little more patience before affirming that a child is misbehaving. An environment that is too loaded with stimuli, such as a large surface, a party, with noise, lights, excessive activity, can overwhelm the ability of children to cope, create confusion and lead to the manifestation of signs of overexcitement and anxiety. On the other hand, a very low stimulation can generate boredom, (doing paperwork, shopping can be a big annoyance for a child). In these cases, it is normal for the little one to react in ways that we could qualify as “bad behavior”.
- Something that we often forget: rewarding children when they do things well, that is, reinforce those positive behaviors. It is not necessary that it be a material reward, with a "good darling, how proud we are of you" may be enough. Children should be rewarded for good behaviors and problem behaviors should be completely ignored.
You can read more articles similar to First steps for children to obey, in the category of Conduct on site.